WWW Writing Coaches

By Kimberly Burns

Tom Landry, the legendary coach of the Dallas Cowboys, said, “A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you always knew you could be.” 

That philosophy could be applied to my Women Writing the West critique group. About three times a month, we meet via Zoom to read and review our work. We challenge each other to write “tighter” or “punchier.” We discuss the strength of verbs, the depth of POV, and relevance of similes. We could bore a football fan into a coma.

However, I appreciate my writing coaches. Each member of the group sees the work from their own perspective and can offer unique feedback. My critique of their work has also sharpened my own writing.

Just as we all have our strengths, we also have our bugaboos—words we overuse, phrases that don’t add meaning, weak descriptors. One of my bugaboos is the word “several.” I used it several times—nineteen to be exact—in the first draft of my current WIP. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Over the past five years, our little group has started to recognize our most common bugaboos and created a list. Writers will not be able to avoid these words completely. However, tight writing minimizes use of the following.

Weak Descriptors

Weak descriptors are lazy writing. Instead paint a picture. Instead of “several clouds blew across the sky,” how about “clouds as black a witch’s cauldron bubbled up in the eastern sky.” A simile provides the same information but in a relevant or interesting way. Such as “It was the same size as a loaf of bread” or “the ranch was half a day’s ride.”

To improve, rewrite sentences that contain:

Very, quite, really, just                                                            Several, few, many, all, a bit
Mostly, so, never                                                                     Always, needless
Good, bad, big                                                                        Small, short, tall
Some +one, +time, +thing

Fillers and Being Verbs

That may be needed for clarity and had may be necessary to indicate a past event. However, these words are often a red flag indicating passive voice and can usually be omitted.

Hit “find and replace” and count the number of times these words appear:

Then, that                                                                                Was, were, been

Implied Action

These feeling words distance the reader from the emotion of the character and can indicate passive voice. For example, telling: “She felt her heart thud.” Showing: “Her heart thudded.”

Show readers a character’s physical reaction and avoid:

Feel, felt                                                                                  Saw, see, heard
Think, thought                                                                        Wonderful, pondered
Understood, seemed                                                               Remember, recalled

Filler and Introductory Phrases

These phrases don’t add relevant information and should be avoided in narration. Use them sparingly in dialogue.

Cut the following:

So, even so                                                                              Furthermore, what’s more
In short                                                                                    For the time being
Most importantly                                                                    Consequently

Pidgeon English, Accents, and Foreign Language words

It’s distracting for readers to constantly see dialogue with words phonetically spelled out. Mention the accent, region dialect, or socio-economic lexicon in the beginning as part of the character description. After that initial introduction, just write the words in plain English. Words from a foreign language can be sprinkled in dialogue. Make their meaning clear with context, gesture, or item.

Use the correct spelling. Don’t say:

Mebbe, jist                                                                                           An’ for and
Ta for to                                                                                               Kin for can

Prepositional Phrase and Adverbs

 Every writing class and workshop you have ever attended told you to not to use adverbs and minimize prepositional phrases. Minimize words ending in ‘ly’. There is no need to tell a reader “She shouted loudly.” There is no other way to shout.

Coaches know that athletes are born with some talent but practice improves that talent. Take this little playbook, find yourself writing teammates, and practice! Just do it.

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